I'm mad at Hell, and I just can'take it anymore, but, like the prophets of old, there is nothing that I can do!
I am a writer who hates writing. Yeah, go figure that one! I write not because I want to, but because the fire of the Holy Spirit burns in me if I don't. (Jeremiah had a similar problem. You will find it somewhere around chapter 20) Every time I tell GOD, "That's it, I'm done, I'm quitting, I'm retiring, I'm not going to write another word, letter or punctuation until You come through for me and PROVE and provide those promises that you've lead me to believe are coming.”" I think GOD slaps me down, and says something like, "Okay, I'll just let you be aggravated some more until you have to write this, down just like I've taught you." It's kinda like a toddler having a tantrum, the mom/dad are standing there with their hands on their hips, watching the tantrum, shaking their head, and knowing that this little fit will just have to work itself out, and consequences will immediately follow. There's no spanking, although I deserve one, no, there's just another "TIME OUT."
I hate this, it's driving me mad (pun intended), and GOD knows all about it, yet, stands there with his proverbial hands on His hips (if He had any), and chuckles, but with so much more empathy than any human parent could have for their tantrum-taking toddler, who just doesn't understand, that life just has to work out this way. The toddler cannot process what is going on in the parents' minds while they just stand there and watch, because the toddler's mind is not developed enough, and his intelligence is so far below what the parent's twenty or thirty years of advanced comprehension has afforded them.
I've had a hard life, I mean it's really sucked. I'm not complaining, mind you, I'm just stating this as fact. We Yankee northerners do not sugar coat anything, and our adjectives are a bit more, shall I say, colorful than the genteel southerner might be used to. As a matter of fact, the "F" word in New England isn't a swear word, it's useful in six of the eight parts of speech. We use it as a verb, a noun, an adjective, an adverb, a conjunction and a preposition at times. No, I'm not going to demonstrate, just trust me on this one. Like I said, I'm not complaining, because this sucky life has been GOD's will. Yes, indeedy, He ordained it to be this way. It makes no human sense, and I'm completely and utterly miserable. He knows why and only He can fix it, and yet, I know that I am smack dab in the center of His will. In other words, He wants it this way. He wants me to be this unhappy. That doesn't sound like the GOD you know, right? Well, might I suggest that maybe you don't know Him that well.
None of us humans with our limited capacity to reason and think can understand or fully know GOD. It's impossible, but trust me on this one, because my misery does one thing that is so beneficial for me and anyone who may someday read the words/books that I hate writing. This misery drives me to my knees. If I wasn't this miserable, I wouldn't be down on the ground sucking up tear-laden carpet dust, as much as I have these past eleven years. My twenties was a great decade, but every decade after that has literally been jumping from one frying pan into another fire, back to the frying pan. I wish GOD would turn OFF this gas stove He has me in, for His good purpose. (There's that Romans 8:28 verse again.)
What happened after my roaring twenties? I got married, and it was all down hill from there. I started popping out babies, and by the time the twenty-one years of child-bearing was complete, I was one shy of a complete baseball team, or I had a basketball team with three extra for substitutes. Mind you, I love my children, but I hated my marriage. I think I had babies because my marriage was so bad. Stupid, isn't it? Yet, it is exactly what my mother did. I just repeated my mother's error with two more than she did. GOD calls all children a blessing, a reward, and if He gives a dimwit like myself eight of them, well, that's a title of honor I could never earn myself. Apparently, He trusted me with eight souls.
My first marriage, I guess, I consider to be a counterfeit to the real one, the one as me married to Christ. The counterfeit always comes first, that way when the real deal happens, we realize that the first time it was the imitation, the one which was sub par, or at times even, the enemy trying to mess us up and set us on the wrong path. The enemy surely doesn't want us sucking up carpet dust, seeking GOD's comfort and will, does he? No, he will do his best to give us a counterfeit happiness, a counterfeit success, or counterfeit riches (as in $$), because the true happiness, success and riches that come from Jesus are not anything you can accomplish here on earth. Jesus said he came to give us life abundantly, and I'm still trying to figure out what the heck he meant by that, because I'm not living in any kind of abundance, except abundant sadness, failure, and despair.
Like I said before, the devil always starts with a counterfeit movement before GOD's new thing. GOD lets him do it, thus weeding out the ones who really aren't interested in taking in eight glasses of Living Water a day. Yet, I get so frustrated that I cannot contain my anger. These people are following "prophets" who aren't the real deal. How do I know who isn't a true prophet? The biggest way to determine if someone is not a true prophet is that he will not lead people straight to the Word of GOD, but rather his own words he mutters “in the prophetic,” as if they came from GOD. He may well have all the "christianese" of what appears to be a real prophet of GOD, but that's what I call the devil's brownies; lots of chocolate cake and fudge, and just enough dog poop to keep me far from it. So many believe him to be the genuine article, they almost worship him, and even some of his "predictions" may come to pass: Just like Jesus said, that counterfeit signs and wonders would be in the last days. The Bible is replete with counterfeit magic arts, all the way back to Exodus and even n the Acts 16. Paul was confronted by an authentic fortune teller who was a slave girl, who correctly predicted the future for her owners. Paul, rebuked the evil spirit to come out of her thereby, he attributed her power to Satan, not to GOD. The Bible tells us that Satan and his minions come masquerading as angels of light. Only the Biblically illiterate follow and nearly worship the false prophet because some of his predictions come to pass. The rest of us of the authentic Remnant can smell the dog poop in the brownies a mile away.
Sadly, though, most who listen to him do not know that he's not a real prophet of GOD. He doesn't even know that he's not the real deal. That's the thing about false prophets, they don't know they are false prophets. So, if they are convinced they are the real thing, then they are experts at convincing their followers what he himself believes. There is a mass exodus going on from these incorporated business ventures we call "church." That's a good thing, except there are two remnants leaving the church, the small r one and the capital R one. The only way to know the difference is to be like the Bereans in Acts, who fact checked Paul on EVERYTHING. That's why I insist on my readers fact checking me. Don't just take my word for it. Seek out the truth for yourself and let GOD use the Holy Spirit as your guide, the way John said he would in the 1st book of John, somewhere around the 1st or 2nd chapters. (Another major hint) Don't just take your pastor's word for it, because, friends, he may be wrong, but not know he's wrong.
We are supposed to drink eight glasses of water a day, well, might I suggest that we study eight chapters of the Bible a day? Yes, I realize that will take more than one's fifteen-minute devotional that we purpose to squeeze into our busy lives, at least five or six out of the seven days a week GOD has afforded to us. We don't do devotions on Sunday, of course not, because we spend 90 minutes already "going to church," being bottle-fed Scripture, (or spoon-fed for the more advanced church pew warmer) from the man we trust to tell us the truth, the GOD's honest truth, assuming he knows it. If it sounds like I'm being rough on "going to church," yep, I am, because I believe that we have made "going to church" completely unbiblical and nothing like GOD had intended. Spare me the Hebrews 10:25-fall-back verse that people use to “spank me” or rebuke me for rebelling against the establishment.
Hebrews 10:25 is not literally defined as once a week, for 90 minutes, sitting quietly while spectating a carefully orchestrated “worship” service, which really is just a mind-conditioning session, or a brainwashing. I’m speaking in general terms here, so I’m not speaking of all congregations, but the majority of Hebrews 10:25’ers just sit there and let their pastor spoon-feed the Scriptures that he says qualify/justify or just agree with his topical sermon. These days, there are many ways to not give up meeting together, and I do believe this "lockdown" has proven that.
I’ve been to many churches in my 30 years walking with GOD, and I never felt comfortable in any of them, or that I belonged there, especially these past ten years or so. I just never fit in. So, I asked GOD, “Why am I a church hopper, I mean there is nothing more disgraceful as that, so why am I so unsatisfied “at church,” and why do I keep leaving one and going to another, and repeating this same pattern.” I loved His answer, “Have you ever thought that maybe I was the One making you feel uncomfortable there, because I didn’t’ want you in a “church building,” but rather I wanted you learning from Me directly, like Paul did, alone in the wilderness? (Now, go find where that is, Galatians is all the hint I will give you.) And like a good little doobie, I did. Maybe I have a new thing in mind? Maybe the wineskins have gotten old, like they did when Jesus walked the earth, and there’s a new Vine, so I need new wineskins?” (Now, of course, I'm paraphrasing GOD's voice, because GOD's voice sounds much like our own, because the Holy Spirit doesn't have vocal chords. Make sure that "voice" comes straight from Scripture, then you will know it's authentic.)
Wow! That was an original answer, one that no pastor or man would give, so, it must be from GOD. I see this movement that GOD is going to do, and He calls it, The Remnant (with a capital 'R') . It's completely Biblical, spoken of in dozens of places in the Old and New Testaments, none more beautifully than in Zephaniah 3. It's actually not going to be part of the church, but a separate movement, a separate vine/branch from the church, a sprig cut off the top, if you will. You will find that prophesy in Ezekiel 17. I do believe that like before, He is going to start all over again, not with His incorporated church, but rather He is going to pull from it. GOD always starts over, again, when His people become too corrupt, i.e. Noah, Abram, Samuel, and then the exiles, Ezra, Zerubbabel, and Joshua, the High Priest.
GOD also always repeats Himself, so if you can find it in the Old Testament, you can call it for the latter days, but in the Spiritual and on a global (bad word, these days) grander scale.
It's a beautiful movement, and I see a wonderful last days' spiritual harvest coming from it, however, I may not live to actually see it happen. (As a one-time cancer survivor, I'm well aware that cancer always returns with a vengeance) I have the detail in my head, and I'm not about to share them, because I’m not a prophet, I’m a theorist. I theorize, I don’t prophesy. It's kind of like King David. He was given the blueprints of the Temple that his son was to build, and he held off on sharing those blueprints until the time was right, and he passed them down to his son, Solomon for after he had departed this earth. Solomon got the glory for the building, but David had the original blueprints. David didn't get the glory for building it, instead, he got labeled, "a man after GOD's own heart." Now, that's a better glory than building anything. I sure do hope that when the Remnant is strong, bearing fruit, that someday, after I'm gone, they will say of me, "she was a woman after GOD's own heart."