Saturday, May 2, 2020


     Disclaimer: This is GOD's command for me and in NO way meant to judge or shame anyone who has gotten a divorce.  
     It is not a matter of a love between a man and a woman, because that is long gone, never to return.  I don't love or live with my husband.  Everyone asks me why would I want to stay married to a man who doesn't want me, who doesn't love me, and who I don't love, or want to be trapped married to and risk being miserably “alone”  for the rest of my life?  My answer, I do not want to do this, but there is a higher purpose in making the difficult choices. 
      More than two years ago, he began a  new relationship, with another woman, so Biblically speaking, I’m entitled to a divorce.  So, if I'm Scripturally entitled to a divorce, why don't I? Simply put: I am unconventional woman.  I don't break a promise, I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. I said all those promises not just to my husband, but more importantly, I said those vows to GOD.     
     I truly believe that  I was appointed to do this by GOD, to take this stand, because He knew that I have a strong enough will to stand against the tide, and stick to my guns.  He knew that if attacked for my stance, it would only strengthen my resolve to see this through.  GOD hasn't given up on me, so, I'm just going to have to see this through, even if it sucks the big one, and believe me, it does.   I have more  "dark nights of the soul" in this than most people could bear in a lifetime.  I've cried four ocean's worth of tears, and I have feared being alone and miserable for the rest of my life. I have shaken my fist at GOD, taken tantrums like a regular toddler, because I am mad at him for giving me what seems like a death sentence for my heart.  So, why do I do it? Well, here are the Top Ten reasons there will be NO divorce: 

     1. Although, we married 34 years ago as non-Christians, five years later, after both becoming Christian, we re-did our vows in a covenant marriage ceremony in our church in front of our church family.  It was there that we made it a covenant marriage. A covenant is a solemn vow, one that cannot be broken.  Covenant marriages are when a husband and wife vow to each other, but more importantly, to GOD that they would not divorce. The Bible is very specific about making and keeping vows to God. God makes covenants with us, and He is not allowed to break His word.  Therefore, if GOD will not break His covenant with me to be part of the "bride of Christ," then I will not break my covenant with Him to remain a "wife" to my earthly husband.  We as a church have forgotten what the word covenant means.  Too many of us do not take that word serious, any more. 
     2.  Not only did we vow not to divorce each other to each other and to GOD, but eight times, at eight child dedications, we vowed to raise our children in a Christian home in the admonition of the LORD. To me, it looks bad to my children if I go back on my word to GOD. I must prove to my children that my word is good. A covenant means something, and throwing promises around and breaking them, is the same thing as lying.      
     3. I want to teach my children that sometimes to do the Biblical thing is the hardest, most self-sacrificing choice one could make. Hundreds of martyrs have made much harder decisions, like choosing to be burned at the stake for the cause of Christ, and others much worse deaths and torture for him.  I truly believe that God told me, specifically, NOT to file for divorce, and not to sign if he files. It has been the most ridiculously difficult thing to do, but I love GOD more than myself, and I want my children to see a love so deep, that it is willing to give up anything to be true to it, even if it hurts, and believe me, this is killing me from the inside out.
     4. I am not sure if God wants to use this event or decision for something bigger than myself. Divorce is a Goliath cancer in the church and my Stone is Jesus Christ. I told my husband that he was free to file, but I wouldn’t sign the papers. It’s a no fault divorce state, here in Kentucky, but I told him that Jesus Christ is my Lawyer and not only is His retainer the big fat goose egg, I wouldn’t recommend him going up against Jesus with any human lawyer or judge.  Jesus never loses.  Maybe Jesus was waiting for someone to have enough faith to believe that one small sacrifice could institute an enormous change, not by my might, or by my strength of will, but by His Spirit. (Zechariah 4:6)
     5. Maybe He will use this heartache and sacrifice as his miraculous healing of the Goliath of cancer in the church, or better yet, as part of the last days' revival and soul harvest. It's a huge leap of faith, I know this, as well as a  major risk, but how many times in the Bible does it say to trust in the LORD fully. This is really stepping off that cliff and believing Jesus is there to catch me. It's not easy. It's like jumping out of an airplane and only going on the parachute's manual that it will open.  
     6. Being a human and a woman scorned, I figured that I put in 30 yrs into this marriage, and I was the best wife I could be. I wasn't a great wife, as I did not have a good example to follow coming from a home where my parents hated each others guts, but I gave it all I had. I have earned a wife's rights, (i.e., being next of kin & the one who gets to pull the plug..., lol) and I am NOT about to give those rights up. I am too stubborn to let him get away with throwing me away like and old newspaper.
     7. As a parent, I do not reward my children for bad behavior, because it only encourages more bad behavior.  He left me during my cancer treatments, because he said he didn't want to be married to anyone, nor would he ever get involved with another woman. Four agonizing years later, while I rotted away, trapped not able to move forward, or be loved by another man, now he wants to move on, as he has gotten involved with another woman. ummm, sorry, but no, not gonna happen. He left me here, devastated, and there is NO way, he is going to ride off in the sunset with another woman after the way he treated me the last two decades of our marriage. Some may find it vengeful, but, again, I see it as not rewarding bad behavior.  GOD does not give us what we want when we turn our back on him, so I am following GOD's example. (Psalm 66:18)
     8. God will not honor or recognize what a human judge says, anyway.  God is not limited by civil law. We may be "divorced" in terms of civil law, but because it's a covenant marriage, in GOD's eyes, he won't recognize the civil divorce. It may be legal here, but it's not legal in heaven. God does not answer to man, but rather man answers to GOD.
     9. With that in mind, if I did let him have an unrecognized civil divorce, not recognized by GOD, then I would be aiding and abetting another man and woman in an adulterous relationship in GOD's eyes.  If they choose to carry on, that is between them and GOD.  I answer to GOD for what I do, they answer to GOD for what they do. 
     10. Last, but not least, because of this agony of the last six years, I have been in an intense study of GOD's heroes in the Bible, male and female. I noticed that He set apart certain individuals to do what most people would not do; stand out from the crowd on principle.  He promised them rewards and honor if they did the right thing. What they had to do was intensely difficult, Joseph, waiting in a dungeon for no specific time period, not knowing if he'd get out, or David, hiding in a cave from a mad king bent on killing him. Twice, David could have taken matters into his own hands, and taken out King Saul, it would have been his right to, yet he did not, he let GOD decide when he would take the throne. Rizpah, Elizabeth, Hannah, Ruth, Naomi, Abraham, Sarah, Mary, and many more all suffered these horrible waiting periods of doing the extraordinary to see the Supernatural. They were set apart, honored by GOD, trusted by GOD to wait out the painful periods and persecution. I aim to do the same.     

    If I succeed in honoring GOD and my word and suffer through the pain of it, therein lies a reward for me, not just in heaven, but in this life, also. (Psalm 27:13, Joel 2:25,  Zechariah 9:12, Ephesians 3:20)  GOD promised me more than I could ever ask or imagine. I've never had more than I could ever ask or imagine, and I want to know want the looks and feels like.

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